Friday, April 08, 2005

The iRaq: an anal insert iPod???

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eBay Auction for Aple iRaq iPod Replacement

This has to be one of the most offensive and blatantly stupid auctions I have ever seen.

Interesting viewing to say the least. You'll have to (cough cough) read the auction to see what the title to this post means by; anal insert ipod.



I've saved the text of the auction for posterity because it will most likely be cancelled. If you didn't see it before it was taken down and would like to ... just post a comment here in this thread.

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1 comment:

fixyourthinking said...

*** JACKWHISPERS WARNING: Offensive language and inflamatory statements ***

Up for auction is the BRAND NEW PROTOTYPE APLE iRAQ©®™ !!! HOLY FRIGGING CRAP! YES!! This is the official replacement for the Apple iPod!! As of this moment, I am the only non-aple employee and non-celebrity to have custody of one of these.

The Aple iRaq©®™ is designed to help you better listen to media reports on the iRaq war! YES! EXACTLY WHAT EVERYONE WANTS! I say this seeing as half of the US re-elected Mr. G Dubya, or as he prefers to be called- "Jesus Christ," "God's Second in Command," "Ruler of Heaven and Earth," or simply "God." You asked for it, you crazy republicans (I am violently shaking my fist at my computer monitor, and now toward the republican who is attempting to break into my home. See. Republicans are burglars. ALL OF THEM!! They'll break into your home and steal your children, pets, and olde timey televisions! Then they'll sit in your front yard in a reclining chair, drinking RC cola and chowing down on moon pies, trying to figure out how to plug their stolen TV into your sprinkler system so they don't miss Matlock and Murder She Wrote!! Those BASTARDS! Then they'll piss all over your lawn while saluting a crudely drawn portrait of G. Dubya, and screeming "Nuke them a-rabs!")


Well, here's how your Aple iRaq©®™ works.


Step 1) Feel the need to listen to G. Dubya piss his way through a speech about the war and social security.


Step 2) Hold Aple iRaq©®™ firmly in hand.


Step 3) Forcibly insert Aple iRaq©®™ in anus.


Step 4) Use anal muscles to operate click wheel until you arrive at the appropriate speech, or simply tune to your favorite song that helps you forget about how you wont be able to rely on social security.


Step 5) When finished using you Aple iRaq©®™, remove from anus, clean with alcohol.


IT'S FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!!! YAY!!


HELP GEORGE IN HIS FIGHT AGAINST SATANISTS AND RUSSIAN COMMUNISTS! Enlist in the Army at www.goarmy.com, enlist in the Marines at www.marines.com, or, if you are already enlisted in the Marines, visit www.holyshitiamtotallyfucked.com


Check out the AMAZING Aple iRaq©®™ below-

(multiple pics and angles of a rock with sharpie drawn screen, scroll wheel, etc)

Check out the celebrities who already own the Aple iRaq©®™!!

George Lucas and Jake Lloyd (Lloyd created his own with his master jedi skills)

(pic of lucas and Lloyd photoshopped with iRaq in hand)

Bruce Willis (he used his all the time on the sets of Sin City
(pic of Bruce photoshopped with iRaq in hand)

Jessica Alba. Day-yum.
(pic of JA photoshopped with iRaq in hand)



Halle Berry
(pic of HB photoshopped with iRaq in hand)

Britney Spears (only used iRaq©®™ when she was hot. Now that she is ugly, she no longer uses her iRaq©®™)
(pic of Britney photoshopped with iRaq in hand)

Hayden Chrisshsjtklragnflasdfl (the new anakin skywalker)
(pic of HC photoshopped with iRaq in hand)

Lindsay Lohan < insert statement about how I'd like to hit that >
(pic of LL photoshopped with iRaq in hand)

Natalie, Smart and Hot, Portman
(pic of NP photoshopped with iRaq in hand)

Paris Hilton. That's hot.
(pic of PH photoshopped with iRaq in hand)

Now, in all honesty, the only thing this damn thing can do is hold a few papers down. And it doesn't even do a good job at that. I'm sure it can still be used as an anal insert, though, so have fun with that....(iRaq©®™ has not been sanitized. DO NOT insert iRaq©®™ into your anus.)

Shipping will be $2.00, Payment methods accepted are Paypal and money order.

Happy Bidding, Democrats.

ATTN: REPUBLICANS/BUSH FOLKS/RED NECKS! If you send me hate mail, I will refer you back the the instructions of iRaq©®™ usage, and request that you forcibly insert your hate mail into your anus. Thank you, and have a nice day.